gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
