I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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