The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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