I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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