And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
