I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
