i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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