I got chris browned last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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