cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
