there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
