Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
