i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
