He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
