i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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