I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
