I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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