fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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