Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
