I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
