My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
A bitchslap is in order.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
