so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
