I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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