dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
