Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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