he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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