there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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