My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
