When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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