you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
