Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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