I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
