sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
