I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
