hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
