Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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