So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
