So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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