So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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