i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
