pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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