if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
