i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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