Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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