I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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