why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
