Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
