3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
