i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
