i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They took my balls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its liver damage thursday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
