i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
