my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
