I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
