Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
