Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
