I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
