Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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