so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
