the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He passed out mid-signature
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
