My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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