I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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