how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
