i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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