He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
