Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
