Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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