fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
