He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
