I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
