Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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