i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
