That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
