I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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