My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
