babies were throwing up all over the place
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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